I DIED TWICE

      

        “Live your life to the fullest.” In a white room at the 4^th month of the year, day 9 in the year 2018 where I’ve seen my first death. My 2^nd death is in place where people gathered to visit their dead relatives it happen in the 16^th day at same month and year. This is a part of my life where I died twice.

        The 2 man who guide me was already dead. My grandfather in my mother side is the best chef that I ever know. I used to call him Daddy because he is like a father to me. He always cooks my favorite dishes and spoils me to everything that I want. My Daddy is also one of the best people who gave me an advice whenever I feel down. That’s why when I’ve heard the news that he is in the hospital again and he’s in the ICU we quickly went to Pampanga where he was. I stayed at the hospital watching other people losing their hope. My other relatives said to me that I should say goodbye to my Daddy while he is in a comma, but I didn’t  because I thought he will wake up again and cook my favorite dish. Every time I come to his room I am always quite I am just looking at him while he is sleeping because I can’t accept the fact that he will leave us soon. I don’t want to lose my hope just like other people around that place. One day I need to go home and check my siblings but before I go I talked to my daddy saying that I’ll be back so he need to stay still, but sadly he did not. I wake up in the morning facing that news and in that morning I face my first death. I feel like floating, I can’t even cry just like my other relatives did. All I can do was to sit and wait for myself to feel the ground again. When my Daddy was already in our house I can’t stop thinking why did he leave us. In that time my mind was full of why’s question.

        On the 3^rd day of my Daddy’s burial my mother went home from abroad. She cried so hard when she saw her father after I saw that the questions in my mind have been expanded. That day I can already feel the ground but its feel like it was an artificial it’s unreal. On the 7^th day of my Daddy’s burial we need to let him go because it is the schedule of his last day. The whole day was full of sadness everyone was crying except me. I just can’t accept that one day I’ll come back in their house and he will be nowhere to be found. When we are in the cemetery my mother told me that she will bury her love to my father with my Daddy and that was my 2^nd death. My tears fell down because my system can’t accept that I lose the two men that I love the most. I lost my mother’s love to our father and I also lost my grandfather. It’s the double kill that cause my defeat. I may not die physically that time but I died twice emotionally.

        I died before but I am now slowly collecting myself. Physical injuries can be healed when times flies but an emotional damage can only be healed by acceptance. Accept things may not be easy as we thought but accepting things will set you free. It will make you feel the ground; acceptance will make you feel alive.